214

Had a bit of a lazy weekend.  But I didn't deviate too badly on my portions and eating.  As a result I'm 214.  That's one less folks.  One in the right direction.  It's a slow process but it feels good.  And it feels permanent.  Which is rather an incredible feeling.

I've had some amazing runs recently (not a lot of them, but they've been amazing).  Last night (Monday the 18th) I went for a 3 mile run and I hauled my tushie as fast as it could go.  I was sweating and heave-ing and ho-ing and loving every second.  I'm pretty sure I was under 12 minutes miles.  Not fast for some but fast for me.  I'm slowly learning that that's what matters.  It matters than I'm running.  That I'm improving.  That I'm doing this for myself.  That I feel encouraged and happy about this change in my life.

It rained all weekend.  ALL WEEKEND.  Heavily.  It was not conducive to running.  But honestly neither was my frame of mind.  I had a rather depressed patch over the weekend.  I  didn't really want to see anyone Saturday or Sunday.  I slept a lot.  I turned my phone off Sunday and it's been off since then.  I'll probably turn it on today.  It's been kind of nice though, leaving it in my room and not really thinking about it or caring about it.  I'm not entirely certain why my mood was so foul.  I have some ideas.  Work is delayed on the White Alice project but once it gets started and there's a big push, it'll mostly be over this summer.  That's one job down.  The NALEMP stuff is running pretty smoothly.  Just starting up at this point.  IGAP is ongoing and continuing so it's kind of the only thing that would keep me here longer than it takes to finish WA and NALEMP.  But I have nothing to make me leave.  I have nothing to keep me here, but I have nothing to make me go either.  I want some kind of dream, some kind of goal.  Maybe that's why I can't sleep sometimes.  I don't want to sleep because I have nothing to dream about.  How do people find what makes them passionate?  Are they born with it?  Sigh...

The run before Monday was Thursday the 14th.  Mom and I went up to Gram Janice's to see some big ol' owls that had been hanging out in her hood.  We went up kinda late because this sleepy little panda dozed off and took a nap.  (In addition to my running schedule going to hell, my sleep has been way off as well.)  I was decked out in my running gear though, so about 40 minutes before Momma took off back to town in the car, I took off on my feet.  I ran along the low road and then up to the top near the pretty tree and back down to the first stretch of road.  I kept looking behind me after I got down the hill but she wasn't anywhere in sight.  I didn't see her till I was around the tank farm.  I kept my speed up and then sprinted across the slough bridge, barely beating her.  :)  I was so proud of myself!  I so felt like Rocky when he climbs all the stairs and does the fist pump thing into the air.  I walked/jogged my exuberant ass home and then ate popcorn (the new favorite snack).

I haven't done much walking but I did pick berries on the 13th and the 18th.  That's a different kind of working out.  My legs were super tundra sore after the 13th.  Lol...  Better get myself back into Native shape.